Three tales of customer sub-service

I'm always whining and complaining about "terrific" customer service. (Insert sarcastic, snide tone of voice here.)

Well, I recently had a few very unpleasant customer services experiences that I want to share.

Judging from experiences I've had with JCPenny and Dell Computer lately, the two companies (specifically Dell) are really living up to their reputations as not-so-customer friendly. And DIRECTV is a whole other matter I'll get to after the other two.

We recently bought a Dell computer, despite the well-documented and oft-reported customer service and technical support complaints that I've read about. As much as I love the Macintosh, getting an Apple wasn't an option because of usage and software issues. So, it had to be a Windows computer. Despite Dell's customer service, I'm yet to meet someone who has had a bad hardware experience with Dell. And I can certainly do some minor technical support on my own, so we took the plunge and ordered a Dell.

Dell Tech Support From Hell

So far, the computer is working nearly flawless, and having a 24" LCD monitor is a treat that has wildly exceeded my expectations.

It's the nearly flawless part that had me on the phone with Dell Computer tech support not long after I took it out of the box. I tried to save us money on our new computer where I could & still get us a good set up, and I made a mistake. I ordered an el cheapo video card, and the one that came installed on our computer just could not get the job done. The screen redraws for jpeg thumbnails were awful and slow, and since photography is my thing, that wasn't going to suffice.

So, my first experience with Dell tech support went something like this, and I'll try to keep it short. I called the exact phone number from the Website, entered my account and service tag numbers while listening to the annoying phone menu. And then I waited, and waited. Ten minutes after being on hold, a CSR came on the line.

The CSR proceeded to immediately ask me for the same information that I entered with the phone menu when I first called. I don't think it's unreasonable that if I spend time entering information into the phone menu, then a computer should record it somewhere so I don't have to tell it to the tech answering the phone. But, my fun was just beginning.

There has been some controversy surrounding Dell's tech support, because the company moved some of its call centers to India a few years ago. Some customer calls were being rerouted to India, much to the dismay of customers for a number of reasons. After doing a little researching, I found out that Dell's customer complaints more than doubled in 2005, and the company has come under heavy criticism for their call centers, including wait times, and the quality of customer service once customers actually DO get through.

I experienced all of the above. When I finally got through after a long wait time, it's the voice of a man I can hardly understand. He had an accent that sounded Indian to me. Don't misunderstand me - I don't care if my call is routed to the South Pole, as long as I can understand the person on the other end of the line. Those of you who read this blog know that I'm on record against all of the xenophobia and jingoism that has taken hold in America lately about English being our official language. My position on that has not changed. Yes, everyone should be proficient in English, but I strongly feel that Spanish should be our second language, and all signs that are hung in America from here on out she be in both languages. I doubt we'll see it, but we should. I'd love to see us become a bilingual society, much like Quebec in Canada. I'm not holding my breath.

We now have tens of millions of immigrants living in our country, and for many of them, Spanish is a first language. Yes, they should learn English, but we could be more accommodating, too. The big firestorm, made worse by people like Bill O'Lielly fanning the flames, is a sad commentary on our society - we have one of the lowest rates of bilingualism of any developed nation on Earth. Call it arrogance, stupidity, ethnocentrism, shock and awe or whatever is the definition du jour. I call it all of 'em.

I have no problem with people coming to our country looking for a better way of life. I say bravo - if you get here legally, you should be given all of the opportunities in America. But, if you're working for a call center for Dell Computer or any other company, you should be able to be understood by the person on the other end of the line. After you spend thousands on a computer and you need help with it, that shouldn't be too much to ask. I spent nearly 10 minutes repeating information I had already entered into a phone system to a man who clearly had problems understanding me, and I could understand him even less. Then, he has the balls to tell me I called the wrong number, but the number he repeats back to me is the one I called. Then he tells me I should enter my service tag number. I tell him I've done that, and he is puzzled and tells me my call was redirected for some reason, and he gives me another number.

It got worse, though. I took a deep breath, called the new number, repeated all of the steps above, and when I finally got through and described my problem once more, the guy puts me on hold for 20 minutes. Yea, you read that right - 20 minutes. When I tell him what I'm going to be using my system for (basic computing with a lot of graphics programs, photography and web design mixed in), he proceeds to tell me about some other entirely new computer I should have bought. Unbelievable!

To draw an analogy, imagine you walk into a Toyota dealer, buy a brand new Toyota Solara, and when you return a few days later to the service department with a question, you proceed to hear a speech about how you might want to think about a Toyota Prius. You'd probably call the person a jackass at best. That's precisely what I was thinking when I got off the phone with Dell tech support. But, other than this blog entry, I will do my talking with a complaint letter to Dell. And when it comes time to buy another computer? I wonder if HP will have any good deals?

JCPenny Pinchers

We registered at Penny's for our wedding because we like their products, they carry much of what we like, and it would be easier for people wishing to get us gifts to shop there, since Penny's has so many locations. We received many fantastic gifts from our Penny's registry, but as is the case with many newlyweds, we had great fortune by receiving a few duplicate gifts. No big deal, we thought. Take them back to Penny's for a store credit.

I took three items in for a store credit, and I didn't have a receipt. An 18-year old kid, who I quickly realized didn't give a crap about customer service, told me that without the name of the person who got us the items or an invoice number, they could not issue me a store credit.

I explained to her that it was from our wedding registry. They pulled up our registry and a two of the items weren't on our list, so the girl refused me credit. Wrong answer. After demanding to see a manager, I had to explain my situation all over again, and then one more time to someone else.

This is a quick sampling of some of the things that were said to me:

"Well, the items didn't come from here then," the elderly woman intoned when they couldn't find them on our registry. I not so calmly explained to her that people can see what's on your registry and not buy them through your registry. It's entirely possible and happened to use quite a bit - not a big deal to us - we just updated our registry as Vandra got some shower gifts and after our big party where we got so many gifts. The manager just couldn't pick up this concept, at all. But, she wasn't wearing a wedding ring, so maybe she doesn't know about wedding gifts - who knows?

Then I got this: "These items aren't on your registry, so we can't give you credit." Again, I explained that if you register for Fiesta dinnerware, you may get some pieces not on your registry that either A. You don't care to have, or B. You already have. Again, I got a blank stare.

After all that, the most arrogant, condescending statement of all: "Normally, when you get a wedding gift, you get a card and a gift receipt." Really? I had NO idea. That enraged me, and I started raising my voice and considered smashing one of the items on the ground, telling the manager where to stick the broken pieces. But, thankfully, she smartened up and realized that I wasn't leaving without some satisfaction.

I have no idea what the people at JCPenny are thinking when they come up with these return policies. It's not like I was returning some unsaleable merchandise. I was simply returning items, in their original packaging, and was asking for the comparable store credit. All they needed to do was put another sticker on it and offer it for sale.

This rather remarkable woman then pointed out that the items I was returning "could have come from Macy's, Strawbridge's, a number of different stores." I then not-so-subtly pointed out to her that we were registered AT PENNY'S, not at those other stores, and that Penny's has been the beneficiary of additional business since we decided to register there. This seemed to finally, ahem, register with her, and she finally wrote me a store credit, but all the while taking great pains to let me know she was going out of her way and doing me a favor.

No more favors for you, Penny's.

James Cash Penny, the founder of JCPenny, once said, "A merchant who approaches business with the idea of serving the public well, has nothing to fear from the competition." Judging from the hassle I received when trying to return a few wedding gifts, Penny's has plenty to fear.

DIRECTV's Substandard Subcontracting

My unhappiness with DIRECTV is well documented. We had major problems getting the company's local subcontractor, Ironwood Communications, to come to our condo for installation. After many, many calls, we finally got another subcontractor to come out and do the job (After informing DIRECTV that those moronic idiots from Ironwood Communications wouldn't be setting foot on our property.)

For the first three months, no problems.

Then, on the same day that one of our neighbors in our building got DIRECTV installed, the DVR box in our living room stopped working. While investigating and poking around on our roof, I noticed that our box in the living room was hooked up to our neighbor's dish!

I called up DIRECTV and explained, and, after about 20 minutes of being on hold, I was told that the company would waive our $70 service call fee. Thank God for small favors.

So, I scheduled a visit for them to come out for a Wednesday, between 1 and 5 p.m. The genius that I talk to on the phone puts from 1 to 5 a.m. in the system, and instead of the local contractors realizing the mishap and calling me to clarify, they just show up at our building around 9 a.m., banging on doors and trying to get in. Later, I hear a message on my voice mail to call and reschedule.

Morons.

I called, raised a stink and rescheduled. Finally, the guys showed up, and they were nice enough, but I took them up to the roof and physically showed them how our one box was hooked up to our neighbor's dish, and they tell me, "You have to call them [DIRECTV] up to find out what's going on." Isn't that their job?

Whatever ~ they got the box working again. I don't care if our dish is hooked up to State Senator Vincent Fumo down the street, as long as our box works, and we get the programming we're paying for. However, I can see problems down the road, because if something goes wrong with our neighbors' dish, we're going to have a problem, through no fault of our own.

DIRECTV should thank its lucky stars that it has NFL Sunday Ticket; otherwise, we would have cancelled DIRECTV long ago. The subcontractor in our area that DTV uses, Ironwood Communications, employs pathetic, lazy, stupid people. The bad news for NFL aficionados is that the NFL recently extended its agreement with DTV for another three or four years. In the end, most are losing out in the deal - from the NFL, with a much more limited exposure; the cable companies; and most importantly, NFL fans - not everyone has the means or the will to get satellite TV.

And with customer service like this, they shouldn't be in any hurry, anyway.

I'm tired, disgusted and sick to death of dealing with companies acting like you're putting them out when you request a wrong be fixed, especially when you've paid for a service or product.