Bodyguard: Lohan digs booger sugar*

Lindsay Lohan's bodyguard for the past two years quit recently because it was too dangerous. Not that the threats against Lindsay were too dangerous, but because Lohan herself was too dangerous. The News of the World says Lindsay:

Attacked a gun-wielding cocaine dealer for ripping her off, Snorted line after line with Simple Life star Nicole Richie in a ten-hour binge, Slashed her wrists with knives, sobbing that she "didn't belong on this planet", enjoyed frenzied lesbian romps with scores of girls she picked up at parties — and even made a play for chart star Mariah Carey.

A direct quote from Weaver: "I have looked after some of the wildest stars in Hollywood — but never anyone as out of control as Lindsay is. She had a total death wish and took more drugs and drank more than anyone I've met."

Evidently, the final straw (pardon the pun) came when she attacked her coke dealer:

"In April she asked me to take her to her dealer in Beverly Hills. I knew if I refused she'd go alone — so I took her. He was waiting for her in some bushes. Suddenly she started screaming and punching him for selling her short. He pulled a gun. I got out and he threatened to shoot me unless I got her to back off — but she kept hitting him. Luckily he got distracted and I punched him down. I dragged Lindsay into the car and drove off but she was screaming at me to go back. It was like Pulp Fiction. I knew then she was just too dangerous to be around."

Get the full article Here.

Crazy girl, that Lohan. Not that I really care, but I wonder 1. Where in the world her parents were while all of this was going on, and 2. Where is her mom now with cries of, "May daughter is sweet and innocent" and "she does not have a drug problem," and "blah blah blah blah."

Lindsay Lohan doesn't have a drug problem? To quote a street vendor in New York City when my wife tried to bargain for the price of a knit hat last fall...

"Ohhh Puleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze."

* - Full disclosure: Okay, I just got that headline from Will Ferrell in the clip of him I just posted - hilarious.