Mall of America Vs. Baghdad

Sadly, this is the all-too-real reality in Baghdad these days. Too bad President Bush's urge to surge has been nothing short of a tragedy for our soldiers as well as the people in Baghdad and Iraq. Honestly, do we really need to wait for General Petraeus to give his report in September or October to find out how poorly the war or surge is going? As long as one watches any channel but Fox News, the reality is there for everyone to see.

Of course, the way cable news is these days (or any news broadcast, for that matter), I don't rely on any television station to get any sort of accurate, relevant information about what's going on around the nation and world. Unless, of course, you want to know how Lindsay Lohan's rehab is going, or the debate that raged about whether Paris Hilton was getting human treatment in jail.

Getting back to Iraq - I've said it once and I'll say it undoubtedly dozens of times more - is it really realistic to ask General Petraeus how the surge is going in Iraq? No general worth the stars on his shoulders will ever say that his soldiers aren't getting the job done and that we ought to go home.

But, you have to give President Bush credit - he plays the role of neo-conservative to a T, especially when it comes to the war. I laugh to myself every time I see him on TV saying, "I don't think politicians should be telling generals how to wage the war in Iraq." And when he says this, he's also implying that the generals should determine when we've lost and when we've achieved "victory" in Iraq.

As usual, Bush needs another history lesson (just like Rudy Giuliani, but that's another post for tomorrow). The last time I checked, our military leaders answer to Washington, not the other way around. But, Bush is playing the idiotic, debilitating oversimplification that Reagan practically made a national motto: "Government isn't the solution, it's the problem." Does anyone else notice the irony that the people who most despise and mistrust government - Republicans - are running part of it?

Sure, that makes sense.

Bodyguard: Lohan digs booger sugar*

Lindsay Lohan's bodyguard for the past two years quit recently because it was too dangerous. Not that the threats against Lindsay were too dangerous, but because Lohan herself was too dangerous. The News of the World says Lindsay:

Attacked a gun-wielding cocaine dealer for ripping her off, Snorted line after line with Simple Life star Nicole Richie in a ten-hour binge, Slashed her wrists with knives, sobbing that she "didn't belong on this planet", enjoyed frenzied lesbian romps with scores of girls she picked up at parties — and even made a play for chart star Mariah Carey.

A direct quote from Weaver: "I have looked after some of the wildest stars in Hollywood — but never anyone as out of control as Lindsay is. She had a total death wish and took more drugs and drank more than anyone I've met."

Evidently, the final straw (pardon the pun) came when she attacked her coke dealer:

"In April she asked me to take her to her dealer in Beverly Hills. I knew if I refused she'd go alone — so I took her. He was waiting for her in some bushes. Suddenly she started screaming and punching him for selling her short. He pulled a gun. I got out and he threatened to shoot me unless I got her to back off — but she kept hitting him. Luckily he got distracted and I punched him down. I dragged Lindsay into the car and drove off but she was screaming at me to go back. It was like Pulp Fiction. I knew then she was just too dangerous to be around."

Get the full article Here.

Crazy girl, that Lohan. Not that I really care, but I wonder 1. Where in the world her parents were while all of this was going on, and 2. Where is her mom now with cries of, "May daughter is sweet and innocent" and "she does not have a drug problem," and "blah blah blah blah."

Lindsay Lohan doesn't have a drug problem? To quote a street vendor in New York City when my wife tried to bargain for the price of a knit hat last fall...

"Ohhh Puleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze."

* - Full disclosure: Okay, I just got that headline from Will Ferrell in the clip of him I just posted - hilarious.

Skank in, skank out

Phew! We can all rest easy now - Lindsay Lohan (above) is out of rehab. Thank GOD that issue has been resolved.

However, it seems like the Bush Administration continues to do a poor job of policing our skank divas - Lohan no sooner reenters society to satiate the sleaze hungry paparazzi, then we lose another skank to rehab...

It seems that Britney Spears has shaved her head and added some ink. Suweet! I know it seems petty, mean-spirited and childish, but I've been rooting for one of the three of Paris Hilton, Britney and Lohan to fall flat on her face. Well, two out of three ain't bad. And we all know that Hilton will hang herself sooner or later (not literally, but stranger things have happened).

Anyway, I'm constantly decrying the coverage these three tools get, and I'm wasting my time talking about them. The Britney pic is priceless though.