Giuliani forecast for S. Carolina: heavy snow

This story is yet another little dent in the armor of America's Mayor. It's an embarrassment to Giuliani and his campaign, but here's a fearless prediction: Thomas Ravenel, chair of Rudy's 2008 South Carolina presidential campaign effort, was indicted on drug charges the other day, and it will have zero effect on Giuliani's popularity in the polls in the near- or long-term.

Ravenel, the South Carolina state treasurer, has been suspended from his duties and he has resigned from the Giuliani campaign. I'm the first one to say "innocent until proven guilty," but nevertheless, this is still got to have Rudy fuming. But again, not really, because the lightweight media treatment he receives won't cause him to suffer much. This phenomenon will be identical to Bernie Kerik's effect on Rudy. Kerik, the former NYPD Police Commish and former nominee to be Director of the DHS, has more ethical lapses than Heidi Fleiss, and Giuliani has a close and personal history with him. After Kerik's doomed nomination to be the DHS chief (Rudy very publicly pimped Kerik for the job), a whole litany of uncouth revelations came to light about him: alleged mob ties, a private apartment near Ground Zero in Battery Park, NYC, where Kerik was shtooping his mistress, and alleged kickbacks. Oh, and that little Battery Park love nest? It was at taxpayer expense. Another great case of our tax dollars at, ahem, work.

Rudy is godfather to two of Kerik's children.

Anyway, we'll see how this plays out, but here's saying this will be a blip on the radar screen in a few weeks.

Bodyguard: Lohan digs booger sugar*

Lindsay Lohan's bodyguard for the past two years quit recently because it was too dangerous. Not that the threats against Lindsay were too dangerous, but because Lohan herself was too dangerous. The News of the World says Lindsay:

Attacked a gun-wielding cocaine dealer for ripping her off, Snorted line after line with Simple Life star Nicole Richie in a ten-hour binge, Slashed her wrists with knives, sobbing that she "didn't belong on this planet", enjoyed frenzied lesbian romps with scores of girls she picked up at parties — and even made a play for chart star Mariah Carey.

A direct quote from Weaver: "I have looked after some of the wildest stars in Hollywood — but never anyone as out of control as Lindsay is. She had a total death wish and took more drugs and drank more than anyone I've met."

Evidently, the final straw (pardon the pun) came when she attacked her coke dealer:

"In April she asked me to take her to her dealer in Beverly Hills. I knew if I refused she'd go alone — so I took her. He was waiting for her in some bushes. Suddenly she started screaming and punching him for selling her short. He pulled a gun. I got out and he threatened to shoot me unless I got her to back off — but she kept hitting him. Luckily he got distracted and I punched him down. I dragged Lindsay into the car and drove off but she was screaming at me to go back. It was like Pulp Fiction. I knew then she was just too dangerous to be around."

Get the full article Here.

Crazy girl, that Lohan. Not that I really care, but I wonder 1. Where in the world her parents were while all of this was going on, and 2. Where is her mom now with cries of, "May daughter is sweet and innocent" and "she does not have a drug problem," and "blah blah blah blah."

Lindsay Lohan doesn't have a drug problem? To quote a street vendor in New York City when my wife tried to bargain for the price of a knit hat last fall...

"Ohhh Puleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze."

* - Full disclosure: Okay, I just got that headline from Will Ferrell in the clip of him I just posted - hilarious.

Keith, wipe your nose - your dad's running

What a disturbing story. So, weird, in fact, that I want it to be true, because it would now be a letdown if it wasn't.

Rolling Stones Guitarist Keith Richards has been in the news lately, and for all the wrong reasons. (Would he be a rock star if that wasn't the case?)

Last week, in an interview with the British music magazine NME, Richards said other people shouldn't follow his example when it comes to drug use, claiming he is lucky to be alive after his years of substance abuse. When asked what is the strangest thing he has ever snorted, he replied, "The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father. He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow."

When I read that, I reacted with revulsion, goose bumps, and then, laughter.

On any level, it's disturbing.

He later released a statement saying it was a joke and it wasn't true. Okay, fair enough, but even if it wasn't, who would even make up a story like that? I have no idea what goes through a user's head, but it must be some pretty sick !#@$%#!!@$% if he could even think to make up a joke like that.

Slate has a hilarious column from last Friday, which actually examines whether it really would be hazardous to snort the ashes of a body. I get the feeling (I hope) it's meant purely as a joke. Oh yea, and if you're mixing up daddy's ashes with blow, something tells me the least of your worries should be the ashes.

I think Richards died five years ago, he's just too stupid to lay down. Hey, it's not like the time hasn't been kind though - I mean, when you look at him, one could never tell that drugs have taken a toll on his body.

Keep on keepin' on, Keith - you're making the rest of us feel quite normal.