TSA declares war on pierced nipples

Let the outrage begin on this one. A woman was prevented from getting on a flight because of nipple rings. Hey - don't blame me - I don't fabricate the news, I just comment on it, but this one really is stranger than fiction.

The woman's nipple ring and nipple stud kept setting of medal detectors, and when agents ran a portable metal detector over her chest, her mammary metal again set off the detectors. She then volunteered to show them to a female TSA agent in private, and was told that they would have to be removed or she would not be permitted on the flight. Unable to remove one of them, she had to use a pair of pliers.

Are you F*&%ing kidding me?

It's important to note that I am not without sympathy for TSA Agents; they have a very tough and important job, and it cannot be easy. They are under great pressure every day to be perfect, every time, all the time. Recent tests and drills reveal that in a number of airports, they are far from that. And dealing with surly passengers who have been waiting in long lines can't be a picnic, either.

I also don't fault the agents for the regulations; after all, they aren't making policy, they are merely doing what they are told. But, I DO fault TSA Agents for being, at times, obnoxious, unfriendly, and at times openly hostile to passengers. (I say this from personal experience, by the way - on multiple occasions, I've had to resist the overwhelming temptation to tell various agents to go f--- themselves. There's a way to be courteous, yet firm, but many churlish, rube TSA agents could use a refresher course in charm school.

For instance, I'm assuming that somewhere, there's a regulation(s) banning nipple metal on planes. As stupid as that is, fine (but more on that in a minute). But, for this woman to have agents laughing at her, as she's crying and upset? Talk about losing your dignity. Ever since September 11, fliers in this country have no rights, period. The prevailing attitude is "do what we say, shut up, and if you don't like it, you're not flying." And that's totally unacceptable, especially considering how much taxpayer money went toward bailing out these same airlines following 9-11 (but corporate welfare is a topic for another post).

What galls me most is the regulation(s) banning jewelry. The TSA, which is a part of the Department of Homeland Security, is doing a piss poor job of keeping us safe. Time and time again since 9-11, journalists routinely have been able to sneak contraband aboard planes. Call me crazy, but maybe if agents weren't busy enforcing stupid regulations like the one above and also taking my saline solution before I get on a plane. It's time for people to start calling TSA what it is - another department run amok by this administration. Of course, many talking heads in this administration (and their neocon supporters in the mass media) are always quick to puff out their chests and say, "But there hasn't been attack since 9-11."

Fair enough, but that doesn't mean we are safer. Again, statistics, studies and tests have demonstrated that critical items are getting through, time and time again. Invariably, whenever news of this is made public, people like Sean Hannity get on TV, crying and whining that these reports are "giving terrorists ideas on how to get items on planes."

It never ceases to amaze me that morons like Hannity who make their living in the media totally misunderstand the role of the free press in our society.

American flies five from Chicago to London, on a 777!

I've got a few environmental things I've been meaning to get to, and then I'll get back to the political stuff.

This one is from last week - an American Airlines Boeing 777 flew from Chicago to London with five passengers aboard. I certainly understand that the airlines have been hit with rising fuel costs, and that passengers have to pay extra to compensate for rising fuel costs. However, this incident goes above and beyond the call of stupidity. It's stories like this that anger me to no end. This is an example of how the consumer gets screwed - by airlines making idiotic, absurd decisions like this one. Makes it kind of hard to by sympathetic to the airlines for rising fuel costs. (Oh, and why the hell am I never on one of these flights? Nooo - of course not - I get the five-year old who's been up at the crack of dawn who likes to entertain himself by kicking my seat back for 1,000 miles. Whee.)

From The Telegraph (U.K.):

A major airline is under fire from environmentalists for flying an aircraft across the Atlantic with only five passengers on board.

The flight from Chicago to London meant that the plane, a Boeing 777, used 22,000 gallons of fuel.

It led to American Airlines being accused of reckless behavior by green lobby groups.

The latest "eco-scandal" flight took place on Feb. 9 after American was forced to cancel one of its four daily services from Chicago to London.

While it was able to find places for nearly all the passengers on the fully-booked flight, five still had to be accommodated. Those who did fly were upgraded to the business class cabin.

But while they enjoyed lavish hospitality, the airline was accused of an "obscene waste of fuel" by Friends of the Earth.

It is estimated that each passenger produced 43 tons of CO2 – consuming enough fuel to carry a Ford Mondeo around the world five times.

Operating the near empty flight is estimated as having cost American about £30,000. But a spokesman said it had no alternative.

"With such a small passenger load we did consider whether we could cancel the flight and re-accommodate the five remaining passengers on other flights.

"However, this would have left a plane load of west-bound passengers stranded in London Heathrow who were due to fly back to the US on the same aircraft.

"We sought alternative flights for the west-bound passengers but heavy loads out of London that day meant that this was not possible."

Richard Dyer, Friends of the Earth's transport campaigner said: "Flying virtually empty planes is an obscene waste of fuel. Through no fault of their own, each passenger's carbon footprint for this flight is about 45 times what it would have been if the plane had been full.

"Governments must stop granting the aviation industry the unfair privileges that allow this to happen by taxing aviation fuel and including emissions from aviation in international agreements to tackle climate change."

It's stories like this that motivate me to blog and try to make a nano-difference in the world.

I'm sure the airline was in a bind, and I'm trying to understand such a stupid story. Whenever there's a price increase, it seems like the customer, the flier, gets screwed. It's bad enough that United recently became the first, and no doubt the last airline to begin charging $25 for a second checked bag.

And today, a barrel of oil closed at $111. How soon do you think consumers are going to get lambasted for that development? Partly, that's understandable, but of course Wall Street still has to be happy with fat profits, and there are CEOs that need seven- and eight-figure salaries. Yet, American is carrying five people on a 777 from Chicago to London.

The best part about this story? The reaction to it. I originally found this story on Attytood, one of my favorite Philly blogs. The minute any environmental story is brought up, it takes neo-con artists about five seconds to bring up Al Gore. (Nevermind that the story about his electric bill has been thoroughly debunked - read about that Here.)

Bringing up how celebs, politicians and liberals fly on private jets doesn't take away from the outrage of this story. Incidentally, liberals aren't the only politicians who fly in private jets. Click Here to see how America's Profiteer Mayor demands a Gulfstream IV private jet or better for his speaking engagements. But, I guess to be fair, since he now has the popularity of Chlamydia, his demands may have to be tempered just a bit. Aww, poor baby. I'm sure he'll manage to get by.

And quite frankly, considering the experience of flying commercial these days - overbearing restrictions that aren't keeping us safe, availability of flights, breathtakingly rude TSA agents and all the rest, if I were lucky enough to be incredibly wealthy, you bet your ass I'd have a private jet. I'd make up the difference in my carbon footprint in dozens and dozens of other ways.

Oh, and by the way - Al Gore is probably still doing more for the environment than you are, and he damn well is doing more than our National Embarrassment, President Bush, who only recently even took the tremendously bold and courageous political step of acknowledging that humans are "contributing" to the climate crisis.

Thank God for small favors, Mr. President.

Some travel rants

Yesterday, we flew to Los Angeles out of Philadelphia, with a connection in Chicago. All things considered, it could have been much worse than it was. Actually, things went pretty well - we arrived in LAX 10 minutes late. Thankfully, we didn't fly out a few days before, or a few days later, because we would have run into some weather delays.

I'm thankful that we arrived safely and pretty much on time, but boy, can air travel be a-n-n-o-y-i-n-g, and it didn't take long to get just that. When you add it all up, traveling is hell.

• If I haven't written it before, and I'm quite sure I have, the breathtakingly annoying TSA employees are the lowlight of any trip. I'm not without sympathy for the job they have to do - I'm really not. Keeping passengers safe and tolerating people who can't follow directions is a tall order under the best of circumstances, let alone when hundreds of thousands of extra people are taking to the air during the holiday season.

Having said all that, competency and pleasantness shouldn't take vacations or holidays. Sadly, that's the reality with many of the obnoxious morons who wear the TSA uniform.

What I really love is when one TSA employee will tell you one thing, and 10 feet further, another one will tell you the exact opposite thing. Case in point: Vandra asked an employee if she could drink her Snapple while standing in line.

"No problem."

We get in line, and a TSA lady is all over us.

"you can't take that in line - they will make you get out of line."

On and on this went for a few minutes, until Vandra had just had enough of it and chugged it before we got in line.

However, our fun was just beginning.

The line was taking forever, and we soon discovered why. First, there was a problem with a woman having something illegal in her bag. And by that I don't mean something dangerous (at least I don't think so). Instead of pulling the woman with the bag aside and performing the appropriate search, the line was at a standstill for well over five minutes.

As we got closer to the front of the line, several people ahead of us, from Mexico (we were ease dropping) had no proper identification. Again, instead of pulling the two people in question out of line, four TSA employees (yes, FOUR) were handling the situation, while the rest of us waited. And Waited. And WAITED.

Finally, an elderly man who was standing behind us impatiently bellowed, "I have to board in 10 minutes!" It took two of the TSA employees about a nanosecond to jump all over him: "SIR! Please be patient!" Unreal.

After Vandra and I placed our many belongings in the gray bins while following their directions to the letter, we walked through the metal detectors. Low and behold, I forgot to feed one of my bags through. As we were putting our shoes back on and loading our belongings back up, here's what one of the TSA agents barked...

"Sir! Is this your bag?!?"

"Yes."

As the snotty agent walked the bag up through the scanner, she snidely remarked, "These bags don't walk themselves through the scanner!"

I felt like shouting back, "Sarcasm isn't going to get it through, either." Seriously, was that really necessary? I've made up my mind that I've taken the last smart-assed remark from a TSA employee. The last thing I want or need is a confrontation, but the next time I'm treated this way, if I don't say anything I won't respect myself in the morning. God only knows, the TSA doesn't seem to respect anyone.

I respect the job the TSA has to do - I know it's enormously important, but I don't respect the agency. The reason I don't is because many of its employees don't respect passengers. Period.

And I don't buy the argument that the TSA is doing a fantastic job, either. I'd have a whole lot more respect for these people if they were even average at doing the job they are there for - protecting passengers. Granted, thankfully there have been no more 9-11s, but tests have shown it isn't because the TSA is thwarting them. (You can bet that when the TSA does thwart a possible attack, the Bush administration won't waste any time flogging that story to the mainstream media while pimping the "WE are the party that keeps you safe" line.)

Don't think for a second that like a POS by a TSA employee, it doesn't cross my mind that undercover agents routinely sneak bomb parts past screeners with stunning regularity; the last test that I read revealed that around 60 percent of bomb parts went undetected during tests. But, cripes, thank GOD I can't take my gel deodorant on board.

• At O'Hare Airport, I ordered two sausage McGriddle sandwiches for breakfast. I take them and walk all the way back to our gate, open one up - no sausage. Just buns and cheese. Yummy! I take them back and explain, and I get the most insincere "Sorry" I've probably ever received. I'd have had more respect if the employee would have deadpanned, "We don't really give a shit." Meh - it's the airport - should I expect more?

• However, the real annoyance came on our flight from O'Hare to LAX. We had the good fortune of being seated ahead of a misfit mom and her two model children, who insisted on kicking our seats for the first three hours. Just when it really started to become annoying, Vandra spun around and glared at the girl.

After this happened three or four times in a half hour, the mother said, "If you're going to turn around and glare at my daughter, why don't you SAY something."

Vandra then explained that we were sick and tired of having our seats kicked, and she said snidely, "I'll take care of it!"

This moron was then brazen enough to complain to us, "I've been up since 4 a.m.!" As if that's our fault. Vandra shot back, "So have we," and I added, "And your seat hasn't been kicked for the last three hours."

What I felt like saying was, "Next time, tell him to pull out."

In a perfect world, people like her would have to pass a test to have a kid. I'm sure I'm not alone, but it always seems like we have to sit near screaming kids. I've never traveled first class, but we walked by them to get to our seats. Funny - I didn't notice any screaming kids there. Ahh, some day.

At least my bags didn't get lost.