Right-wing roundup: 8 minutes of laughs

This is a fantastic round-up of stupidity in the media, most of it from the political right. However, it certainly isn't exclusive to right-wing media - but conservative personalities are just the most noteworthy.

I got a kick out of Ann Coulter not knowing her facts about the Vietnam War, and Michelle Malkin suggesting that John Kerry shot himself to earn a purple heart. And then, there's always Bill O'Reilly. His theatrics and phony tirades always make for fantastic footage. I'd rant on Nancy Grace if she were anything other than completely irrelevant. I have no idea how this woman has a television show on any channel anywhere. She gives mediocre, semi-attractive people hope. Glenn Beck? Words defy me on this guy. It's CNN's pathetic attempt to siphon off viewers of Fox News. He's got as much talent as toe cheese. Michelle Malkin is on television for one reason and one reason only - she's an attractive hate monger presented by Fersatz News to all of the horny, white, conservative men in America for ratings. She's not even good at reading the hate mongering off of the teleprompter.

Anyway, it's all good stuff. Watch it, laugh and watch it again.

Just in case you missed it...

...and unless you watch Fersatz News, you surely did, this is what Fox political commentator Dick Morris had to say about the War in Iraq the other day (in support of keeping our troops in Iraq):

I think withdraw from Iraq give Al-Qaeda a HUGE victory. [Emphasis his] A HUGE victory. On the other hand, if we stay in Iraq, it gives them the opportunity to kill more Americans, which they really like. One of the things though, that I think the anti-war crowd has not considered - is that if we're putting Americans right within their arms' reach [Al-Qaeda and other anti-American terrorists], they don't have to come to Wall St. to kill Americans. They don't have to knock down the [World] Trade Center. They can do it around the corner. And convenience is a big factor when you're a terrorist.

I'm not kidding. Morris said it, on Fox News. Sure Dick, let's make sure killing Americans is easy for the terrorists.

This is by far the most outrageous and despicable thing I've heard said about the War in Iraq since it began over four years ago.

This is the old Flypaper Strategy of the GOP: "Let's fight them over there, so we don't have to fight them over here." If this were being said about Osama bin Laden, four years ago, maybe I would have believed it. But, I certainly don't buy into that idiotic rationale in Iraq.

Conservatives will point to Al-Qaeda's presence in Iraq now and say, "But Al-Qaeda is there now!" Yes, but only because we invaded. If we leave, it's a virtual certainty that Iraq will kick out Al-Qaeda, too. Iraq was a secular nation under Saddam. The late Iraqi leader was not at all aligned with bin Laden or Al-Qaeda.

Anyway, as for the rest of it, I'll let Morris' quote stand on its own.

Despicable.

What's truly frightening to me is that Fox Noise is the most watched cable news channel in the country.

My racist is less offensive than your racist

Yes, that's what this moronic debate between the various camps in the Don Imus debate seem to be saying.

First off, how idiotic are these two? Michelle Malkin is little more than another right-wing hate monger that Fersatz News puts on the air for horny young Repubes to drool over. And she brings plenty of racist history with her - click Here for one of her better examples.

The question needs to be asked - is our children learning? Just kidding. Seriously though, who the hell is Malik Shabazz? What has this guy done to deserve national attention? I cracked up when Malkin refers to Shabazz's "15 members." Oooooo. 15 members? Someone get me FEMA - we have ourselves a national emergency. (FEMA will promptly respond, in three days.)

What did Fox do - put out an APB for angry black men? Big deal. It isn't too hard to find white racists, either. Malkin proves nothing.

What's more, I wonder about the timing of Malkin bringing on Shabazz. Hmmm. I'll chew on that one for a moment. Let's see - Imus fired for making blatant racist statements... then Fox brings on Malik Shabazz, a guy that probably 99.9999999% of the American population doesn't even know exists (vs. Imus, who had a radio population and TV viewing audience of millions).

The message from Fox is a not-so-subtle reference to Imus' firing - "See? We can find black people who are racist, too!"

Y-A-W-N.

There are racists of every color, ethnicity, sexuality and gender in America. And when they make millions to propagate their racist views, they deserve to be exposed for the intolerant, churlish rubes they are. Let society shun them and deny them the millions they would otherwise earn.

Just a few more points, because I've got better things to write about than Malkin, Fox News and Shabazz.

Malkin has got to have the worst camera presence ever. I'd love to see her fill in for Bill O'Reilly for a month - the show would be canceled in days. She's on TV because of her looks, not her smarts or broadcasting skills. Sounds a bit like Ann Coulter, doesn't it?

Malkin does something during this broadcast that Fox personalities (notice I'm not calling them journalists) have fine-tuned to an art form - distorting guests' remarks. Shabazz doesn't call her a "whore," he calls her a "political prostitute for Bill O'Reilly." Yet, Malkin comes right back with her righteous indignation - "You called me a whore..."

Guess what? She is a political prostitute. What's more, Shabazz defames hard-working prostitutes the world over by even suggesting that Malkin is one.

And I'll take it even a step further - BOR is a political pimp for Fox News and the Republican Party because he remains obsessed with the trivial, irrelevant, sexually deviant aspects of our society, which really is a reflection of him. (Anyone heard of the sexual harassment suit brought against him in 2004?)

I get a kick out of Malkin deriding Shabazz for profiting from his "racial poison" and "stoking racial demagoguery." Again, I refer you Here to see a sparkling example of Malkin doing both.

Here's a video response to the above clip on YouTube that I found interesting. It's not very well produced, it jumps around a little, it starts off racy, but in the end it does make a point, backed up with statistics I've seen at credible news outlets. Anyway, here's the clip:



Two more quick points...

I've written it before and I'll write it again - we seem to be reverting back to the late-1990s mentality in our society and media. By that I mean we seem to be obsessed with the trivial, while not paying attention to what is really important.

I've also previously written about how some feel Fox isn't even worthy of our time or scorn. It is. The "network" has millions of viewers, many of whom sit in their chairs and believe stuff like this. When people just give up and let the network go about its business, Fox wins, because that adds an aura of legitimacy and to a network that has done very little to deserve it.

I'm very happy that leading Democrats have declined to appear on Fox News because of its far-right agenda. When many prominent people appear Fox, it sends the wrong message of legitimacy - just like when Dick Cheney appears on Rush Limbaugh's program, or when leading politicians from both political parties used to frequent Imus' show.

Another beautiful Fox News screenshot

I'll never tire of pointing out the hypocrisy and idiocy of Fersatz News. One never has to look very far, either. The only problem is deciding which pieces of disinformation to comment on. But, here at Count Me Blue, I'm the decider, and I'll decide what Fox News pieces are most worthy of scorn. And this one is right up there with the best of them.

Obama's original quote was "I think that nobody wants to play chicken with our troops on the ground."

As C&L rightfully points out, even including the word "nobody" would have been better than this blatant, intentional distortion of Obama's quote. Considering the network's track record, it's undeserving of the benefit of the doubt.

But, then again, Obama attended a madrassa in Indonesia, HIS MIDDLE NAME IS HUSSEIN, and he smokes!, so he must not be fit for the White House.

A blatant distortion?

I retort, you decide.

A must-read book on cable news

This looks like a pretty good book I'd like to check out - Cable News Confidential: My Misadventures in Corporate Media, by Jeff Cohen.

Cohen has worked for MSNBC, CNN, and Fersatz News, so he has a fair amount of insight into not just how one cable news channel operates, but from a multitude of sources. I'm particularly interested in this book, since I've come to despise cable news so much recently. That doesn't mean I don't watch, but I'm extremely annoyed at what passes for news these days.

Hat tip to Truthdig for doing an interview with Cohen. Click Here to read an excerpt from the interview, and you can also download an MP3 file of the entire interview.

My favorite passage of Cohen's from the interview, and I found myself saying out loud "YES!" as I read it:

Schooled in the protocols of cable news, the Bush administration brilliantly exploited the medium's worship of live events. When I was at MSNBC in 2002/2003, I witnessed producers nearly orgasm at word that the White House would soon be serving up a photo-op or briefing. Upon hearing of these events—called "pressers" — all else is put on hold to assure that the second the administration event starts, MSNBC and the other news channels are ready to air it live.

Team Bush might schedule a White House press secretary's briefing ("the president stands tough against terrorism") ... followed by a Pentagon briefing ("war on terror is on track") ... followed by an afternoon speech from President Bush in front of a patriotic flag backdrop and cheering handpicked crowd ... followed by a briefing on the latest terrorism arrest or scare from the Justice Department or Homeland Security. Through its ability to dictate the rhythms of the news day, the White House's often singular view of reality would air at length in near monologue fashion.

I've got a specific, contemporary example.

When the hearings on the U.S. Attorney firings started, on the first day, Senator Patrick Leahy (D-VT), the chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, was going to make an opening statement. At the exact moment Leahy was scheduled to begin the hearing, which was covered live on every cable network, Bush begins a press conference, and the networks cut away to him. Thom Hartmann talked about this at length on his show last week.

Yet another way that the Bush administration will do just about anything to control the news and to stay atop the polls. About the only thing this administration hasn't done to maintain popularity is use the military. Wait...

Anyway, this looks like a good book, and I'd like to get to it this year, but there are literally 20 other books ahead of it. I'm starting my political book reading schedule about 9 months ahead of time, and I've got a bunch to get to.

I'm also very behind on writing some book reviews, which I hope to get to in the coming weeks.

This Berger's well done

If you go to a dictionary and look up the definitions for canard, red herring or distraction, you will see the logo for Fersatz News Channel. These people really are something. I can't imagine the advantage (or at least bringing the existing inequality up to being roughly equal) if the Democrats had a 24-hour cable news network blindly devoted to its obtaining/remaining in power. Fox gives Repubes an advantage not seen in a society since TASS (now ITAR-TASS) in the old U.S.S.R., or the Völkischer Beobachter in Nazi Germany.

Anyway, since things are going so poorly for the Bush Administration, Fox has decided to take the low road by exhuming an old scandal about Sandy Berger, President Clinton's former national security advisor, who has admitted to taking some secret documents to prepare for his testimony before the 9-11 Commission. He was sentenced to two years probation and paid a $50k fine. What's more, Noel Hillman, the lead prosecutor and chief of the Justice Department's public integrity section, stated that Berger only removed classified copies of data stored on hard drives stored in the National Archives, and that no original material was destroyed. Hillman's and the FBI's opinion of the case led The Wall Street Journal to editorialize against the allegations, stating in part:

Justice says the picture that emerged is of a man who knowingly and recklessly violated the law in handling classified documents, but who was not trying to hide any evidence. Prosecutors believe Mr. Berger genuinely wanted to prepare for his testimony before the 9/11 Commission but felt he was somehow above having to spend numerous hours in the Archives as the rules required, and that he didn't exactly know how to return the documents once he'd taken them out... We called Justice Department Public Integrity chief prosecutor Noel Hillman, who assured us that Mr. Berger did not deny any documents to history. "There is no evidence that he intended to destroy originals," said Mr. Hillman. "There is no evidence that he did destroy originals. We have objectively and affirmatively confirmed that the contents of all the five documents at issue exist today and were made available to the 9/11 Commission."

If the WSJ is editorializing in favor of Berger, you can bet it's legit; the paper is well-known for having one of the most conservative editorial pages in the country and wouldn't miss a chance to slam Berger and/or Clinton if the opportunity presented itself. Still, Fox won't let it die - above is the promo that the network ran all last week, hyping its special that aired on Saturday night. I haven't found tape yet, but when I do, I'll bring it to you. The promo is pretty funny.

Could there possibly be a less relevant story right now than Sandy Berger? Fox's obsession with the Clintons is demented, pathetic and sad. What's more, the network's timing in airing in airing a special Berger is a transparent, blatant attempt to distract viewers from the deep crap Bush is in. Fox smacks of a press run by a totalitarian society.



This Where's the Outrage? clip ran on Fox in December of last year, right after the Democrats took control of both Houses of Congress. Watch and guffaw.

By the way, I defy you to get through more than two minutes of this tape - the insipid Ann Culter annoys me in every possible way. I keep focusing on her rather large Adam's apple. You know those commercials for erectile disfunction drugs, when they say "men who experience an erection lasting longer than four hours should see a doctor"? See a doctor my eye - listen to 10 seconds of Culter, and I can just about guarantee going from rock to raisin before you can say "bitter, old-maid Ann will probably die alone, because her hate has consumed her." Ann Culter - curing side effects for Viagra users everywhere.

I'm not there yet, but I'm nearly to the point of calling people who watch Fox complete imbeciles, or so ideologically driven that they cannot see the country crumbling around us all, while Bush kicks out the legs holding up our Democracy and Constitution.

There! How's that for Fox-like, wind-blown rhetoric from the left?

Billy vs. Rosie - ZZZZZZ

Sometimes Rosie O'Donnell gets under my skin, but I gotta tell you, she makes sense here, hands down. And, I'll also say that conspiracy theories also usually get on my nerves, but she's making some sense here, too. WTC 1 and WTC 2 came down because planes hit them, but there are some fair questions about WTC 7, and there is some weird evidence of something fishy. But honestly, what's the big deal? So what if WTC 7 was brought down intentionally? No one died, and to my knowledge, no one was even injured.

I'll also go on record as saying I'm not one of those people who believes that President Bush had any knowledge of 9-11 before it happened. I do believe that it could have been prevented had the incompetent people at the top of this administration been paying attention.

I don't mind saying that it's mindless sheep like Elisabeth Hasselbeck who get us into these messes in the first place, by mindlessly saying, "We're in a war, we have to support the president!" Bush wishes there were 300 million more just like you, Elisabeth, and thank God there are not.



So naturally, Rosie's comments got Bill O'Lielly's Irish up, and he took the to the airwaves at Fersatz News to denounce her.

A few thoughts here. It's not de rigueur to say it, but O'Donnell's right - the Iranians have been demonized. I'm not siding with them, I'm merely saying that during the Cold War, we even talked to our sworn enemy, the U.S.S.R. Bush won't even bother, publicly stating that "If I thought it would do any good, I'd talk to them." How do you know if you're not talking? World peace is a little too important to be relying on the diplomatic grapevine.

I guess that leads me to the problem that Bush thinks it's a sign of weakness to listen to your enemies. No one said capitulate to them, but what's wrong with talking? With this administration, everything. Ever since Bush was appointed president, it's been a "take it or leave it" attitude. Sometimes, that's not good enough.

Bernie Goldberg is the biggest moron alive. Okay, I partially retract that - he's got some pretty heady competition on the right, but for him to say "she's [O'Donnell] mainstreaming hateful nonsense" is high comedy, since Goldberg is saying this on Fersatz News Channel.

Goldberg doesn't stop there. He calls ABC viewers "politically, the most unsophisticated viewers in America." Really, Bernie? Are you forgetting all of the sheeple who watch Faux News?

I also get a kick out of all of the networks that Billy has declared war on. If you're keeping score at home, that would be all three of the traditional networks: ABC, CBS and NBC. Sure Bill - it's not you and your "network" - it's the rest of the world that's screwed up.

There isn't a network or 24-hour news network on television that doesn't have some warts from being in the news business - that goes with the territory.

Honestly though - I find Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity and Rush Limpbaugh worlds more offensive than Rosie O'Donnell on her worst day. I could recap what these mindless rubes have said in the past, but what's the point? That's just shootin' ducks in a barrel, and I've got better things to write about.

O'Reilly goes on to imply that Ann Coulter deserves her own show. He must be off his meds.

Jane Hall suggests that there are many shows on cable where there are a variety of viewpoints expressed, but she can't think of a show where there isn't a counterpoint expressed? Did I miss something? I guess every night at 9 p.m. Hall transports herself to an alternate universe when the "balanced" Hannity and Colmes takes to the airwaves on Fox.

It's also pretty funny to hear Bill O'Reilly talking about a show losing viewers, since his show has done just that in 2007.

One more point - "Ann Coulter is smarter than all four of the women on The View put together"? That's a good one, Goldberg.

Ahh, anyway, that's enough - I just had to weigh in on these two clips. The Bill O'Lielly craziness in the second video is almost like a New York play, because it's hard to believe that a show like his has any popularity whatsoever in America.

Hannity: putting the Faux in Fox News

Sean Hannity might be the first person in history to do a political television show without even following the news. Wait, that can't be possible, can it? Or, maybe he's just knowingly lying, like so many members of the Bush Administration.

Anyway, you only need to go about 15 seconds into the video clip above to know what something has gone horribly, horribly wrong with Hannity's research department. In fact, the last person in charge of finding facts before a broadcast, Hannity himself, was relieved of those duties, oh, something like six years ago.

The president has NOT OFFERED his aides to testify under oath under any circumstances, you moron.

And for those of you who think it was an honest mistake by Hannity? Let's look at a few other "mistakes" by Fersatz News...

Mark Foley, a Democrat? Ha.

This one's over the top, even for these people. I don't know if this has been Photoshopped, and that kind of points to what Fersatz News has always been - a total right-wing network. The fact that this is even remotely believable should outrage all Americans.

If it were up to the Republican Party, Debate about any military matters would be a battlefield casualty. Along those lines, if Debate served in Iraq, would he have to serve three tours of duty? Would Debate, if he was wounded on the battlefield, have to come home and stay in a moldy, Roach Motel at Walter Reed? Hey, maybe Debate wouldn't have to serve in this war, like every other prominent Republican war-monger in this administration shirked duty in Vietnam. Ahh, if that happened, Dick would be awfully proud of you, Debate!

Photos from Crooks and Liars