Fun with idiots: mess up MTV's plans for another Paris Hilton show

As much as I hate reality TV, I have to pimp this one, only to throw off the premise. Paris Hilton, truly a vapid nothing who contributes nothing to society if there ever was one, has a new reality show coming out on MTV, and people can vote on who her new best friend will be on the show on the Official Website.

In short, I implore you to vote for Benjy Bronk, the head writer for The Howard Stern Show on Sirius Satellite Radio. Nothing would thrill me more (okay, that's not true, but it would be pretty damn cool) than to see Bronk win, completely screwing up MTV's plans. Yes, it doesn't take much to entertain me, I know. But, if you're a regular CMB reader, you probably already knew that.

I know it's just an issue of language, but really, MTV ought to change the name of the network - how about STV? I'm sure you can come up with some appropriate nicknames based on those letters.

Anyway, bookmark the Website, I Wanna Be Paris Hilton's New Best Friend, and vote for Bronk; you can vote once every 24 hours. With a little luck, MTV will have to come up with an explanation as to why the first place winner won't be on the show.

Keep up the voting! Bronk is currently in first place by about 700 votes, so every vote counts. Psst! Tell your friends.

Local DJ gets unjustly "Imus'd"

Imus, Imus, Imus - he's a black hole right now, from which there's no escape. Like a recovering addict, I've sworn off writing about him, but this week, in the aftermath of Imus' firing, the story took on an unexpected local angle.

I'm originally from the Poconos, so during and immediately following my high school years, I listened to 93.5 FM, WSBG. The station's most prominent DJ was Gary Smith (above), host of the Gary in the Morning program.

This past week, Smith was summarily fired following a skit Smith did on his radio show that was in poor taste, but more importantly, poorly timed.

On Monday morning, Smith decided to use "I'm a nappy-headed ho," as the station's Phrase that Pays, referencing what Imus said that resulted in him losing his radio and cable TV shows. The ninth person who called in and said it won some sort of prize.

A press release issued by the company that owns WSBG stated that Smith "used the phrase with full knowledge of the reaction to Don Imus' use of the exact same phrase just a day earlier, which is the reason he was terminated and not suspended."

Smith has a well-earned reputation of being a pillar in the community; he appears unpaid at many charity events, and he's entertained legions of fans during a 17-year career at the station, including me.

Smith should have been reprimanded for the dumb move, but not fired. There's plenty of differences between the Imus' needlessly making ridiculous remarks about the Rutgers University Women's basketball team, and repeating a statement as a joke when it's not directed at anyone.

I do see management's point - even repeating "nappy-headed ho," especially considering the national controversy, was ill-advised and downright foolish. But, should it cost a man, who is in otherwise good standing in the community, his livelihood? I'm not buying it.

You cannot even compare Imus to Smith. Imus has a checkered past that's rife with racial remarks that can be interpreted no other way than the guy's a racist. A few days ago, I blogged about a New York Times piece by Bob Herbert. In it, Herbert discusses a transcript from a 60 Minutes piece on Imus from about 10 years ago, during which it was confirmed that he regularly uses the "N-Word."

Smith doesn't have that past.

The bottom line here is that we have our next Janet Jackson Moment, sort of.

I'm for free speech, with certain limitations. To the people who think Imus should not have been fired, I'd ask this - walk down the aisle of cubicles in corporate America, or say it on an NFL sideline, or even bagging french fries at McDonald's. You're getting fired, and you should be.

Imus is no different.

But, what happened to Gary Smith is absurd. A trumped up charge of racial intolerance. By all accounts, he didn't do it with malice or direct the statements toward anyone.

I'm not alone in my opinion, either. There's online petition to bring Smith back to the airwaves. I signed it, and so far 600 other people have as well.

Radio personalities around the nation expressed similar outrage that Smith, under these circumstances, would be fired. Howard Stern said that he plans to offer Smith a job. Who knows? Maybe getting fired will be one of the best things to happen to Smith, if he ends up on Sirius.

It will be interesting to see how this one plays out.

"I-Man" to "Cry-Man": CBS pulls the plug

CBS did what most expected they would do today when they fired long-time announcer Don Imus.

In the end, I believe the decision was based on three things, in this order:

First, major corporate sponsors started to walk away from the show, including GM, American Express Sprint Nextel, Staples, and Procter & Gamble, who all announced they were suspending their ads on the show indefinitely.

Secondly, major guests started to walk away from the show, too; yesterday Newsweek Editor Jon Meacham said the magazine's staffers were banned from appearing on the program. Some notable guests from the magazine have included Meacham, Jonathan Alter, Evan Thomas, Howard Fineman and Michael Isikoff.

Lastly, the ferocity of the protests, along with protests to come, played a part in the decision, no question, and most likely sped up the first two developments. Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton met today with CBS President and CEO Leslie Moonves. The two let Moonves know that a major protest was planned for this weekend outside of CBS Headquarters in New York.

In an AP story, Moonves was quoted as saying, "There has been much discussion of the effect language like this has on our young people, particularly young women of color trying to make their way in this society. That consideration has weighed most heavily on our minds as we made our decision."

What a crock. If CBS felt that way, they would have fired him right from jump, but they didn't - they suspended him. Money drove CBS through the morality car wash during the last few days. Only when sponsors began walking away did CBS show Imus the gate.

The New York Times played more than a minor role in Imus' firing as well. Today in an editorial, Bob Herbert cites a 60 Minutes transcript from an interview for the news show that aired in July 1998:

In a 60 Minutes interview with Don Imus broadcast in July 1998, Mike Wallace said of the Imus in the Morning program, "It's dirty and sometimes racist."

Mr. Imus then said: "Give me an example. Give me one example of one racist incident." To which Mr. Wallace replied, "You told Tom Anderson, the producer, in your car, coming home, that Bernard McGuirk is there to do nigger jokes."

Mr. Imus said, "Well, I’ve nev — I never use that word."

Mr. Wallace then turned to Mr. Anderson, his producer. "Tom," he said.

"I'm right here," said Mr. Anderson.

Mr. Imus then said to Mr. Anderson, "Did I use that word?"

Mr. Anderson said, "I recall you using that word."

"Oh, O.K.," said Mr. Imus. "Well, then I used that word. But I mean — of course, that was an off-the-record conversation. But ——"

"The hell it was," said Mr. Wallace.

The transcript was pure poison. A source very close to Don Imus told me last night, "They did not want to wait for your piece to come out."

Scoop, there it is.

Nice reporting, Mr. Herbert.

However, Herbert isn't the only one with an Imus story to tell.

Howard Stern, a bitter enemy of Imus', has been saying for years that on one occasion while the two worked together at NBC Radio, Imus called an African-American secretary the n-word, to her face (an allegation Stern repeated this morning on his show).

I've been listening to Howard for years, but I've never heard him use any of the words Imus has used to describe African-Americans. Howard is edgy, obnoxious and vulgar - that's not in dispute. But, I've never, EVER heard him refer a group of people in a racially hateful way. The first time I hear that, I'm tunin' out.

Actually, I take that back - I did hear him do a joke about the Holocaust once, in my younger days. It so incensed me I didn't listen to him for a year. (I think Howard thinks he has immunity and cover to do jokes about the Holocaust because he's half Jewish. He doesn't, and wouldn't if both of his parents were Jewish.) I did come back, but the more I think about it, I wouldn't forgive this time. I'd like to think I'm wiser and less tolerant of intolerance with age. I think Stern's learned his lesson, though, before the Imus firing, and now, as a refresher course of sorts.

If Imus' dismissal cleans up Howard some, that certainly wouldn't be a bad thing. But, I've listened to Stern for years, and his show isn't even in the same ballpark as Imus' show, or that of hate-infested right-wing talk radio. He does humor, which often pushes boundaries, but not hate.

Anyway, I'm done writing about Imus - there are much more important developments happening right now in the Middle East. The death toll in Baghdad from the attack on the Iraqi Parliament building is up to eight, and will most likely go higher.

Lots to write about when I get home.

"Racust" in the Morning blabbers on

I have no idea what kind of a person Don Imus is. But maybe his idiotic statements from last week about the Rutgers University Women's Basketball Team is knowing enough. If I owned the radio station that Imus works for, I'd fire him. Without equivocation.

The only good thing about this is watching this old lizard squirm and try to come up with some reason, any reason, that he should be kept on the job.

I laughed in this video when I heard him say that "these young women don't know me." They don't need to, moron. A racist is still a racist, so Imus' attempt to put his comments into context adds nothing. Zero.

"I'm a good person who said a bad thing"? I dunno - it sounds like a PR job to me.

His lame explanation that "we make fun of everyone on this show, including me" is no defense, either. So, he's been making fun of everyone for the past 30-odd years on his show, Imus in the Morning. So what?

Hey, I'm a Howard Stern fan, and had he said the same thing, I'd think he should be fired, too. Stern has toned down his act quite a bit since moving over to Sirius Satellite Radio, though. I wonder if money has anything to do with it? He only got a $500 million, five-year deal. It's a whole new ballgame when you cross over to the largely uncensored medium of satellite, but I digress.

When Howard was on terrestrial radio, he should have been fired on a number of occasions, and on a few, he was. Since I've been a fan, the one big thing that I remember he got into hot water about was making fun of Selena's death, but in that instance, he wasn't making fun of her race, if I'm remembering it right. Still, one could have made the case that he should have been fired, and he nearly was.

Anyway, back to Imus - yes, he does do a great deal of charitable work, without question, but it's obvious why he's bringing it up now - to try and save his job. His charitable work does not excuse what he said.

It's interesting to see him go on the Mel Gibson/Michael Richards apology tour. It's fun watching him squirm and agreeing to talk to Al Sharpton and to meeting with the basketball team. He wouldn't be doing any of this if his job wasn't in jeopardy.

Here's footage of Newsweek's Howard Fineman giving it to Imus this morning on his radio show, but in a respectful way. Nice job, Howard. And Fineman's right - this is a teaching moment. Maybe he'll survive this and continue his show. He does have the support of a great many politicians who come on his show, but I don't know if they support him in this case.



By the way, Imus seriously needs to consider putting the cowboy hat back on - without it, he looks even more disturbing.

More pranks, from my favorite radio host

Since I'm on the prank phone call kick, I thought I'd bring you a few more. I'm a huge fan of Howard Stern, and have been for nearly 20 years. The reason why is simple - anyone who can make me smile and laugh on the way to work (WORK!) has got to be acknowledged as a major talent.

The brilliant thing about Howard is that he'll make you laugh in one breath, and outrage you in the next.

If you're good at reading between the lines, he's actually got some good political points to make on his show, too, if you can tolerate burps, farts and strippers. His show is better than ever on Sirius Satellite Radio.

I unearthed the above footage of Stuttering John, who became a famous intern on Stern's show because of his tendency to stutter in nervous situations. (The premise was celebrities would be more reluctant to turn down an interview from someone with a stuttering problem.) John is now "John Melendez" on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.

The footage above is, I believe, from Stern's old Channel 9 show. Howard isn't much to look at, that's for sure. Yiiikes. Styles sure do change over time.

Anyway, the footage above is Stuttering John asking nonsensical questions to celebrities, such as Helen Gurly Brown, Jackie Mason and Imelda Marcos. The part where he asks Marcos if she would fart and blame it on the dog is classic.



This is Stuttering John interviewing Roy Scheider. Good stuff.



This is footage of Stern getting into one of his legendary fights with his producer, Gary Dell'Abate "Bababooey" for not having a tape ready when he wanted it.

I wonder about Down Under

I was shaking my head in disgust today when I read a story on Google News about Australian Prime Minister John Howard.

In it, Howard, a noted sycophant of President Bush, is quoted as saying this about 2008 DemocratIC presidential candidates, specifically Barack Obama :

"If America pulls out of Iraq in March 2008 [as Obama has called for] it can only be in circumstances of defeat,'' said Howard. "If I were running Al-Qaeda in Iraq, I would put a circle around March 2008 and be praying as many times as possible for a victory not only for Obama but also for the Democrats.''

First off, wanker, mind your own country. Howard Stern makes more sense than you do, Mr. Howard.

Do I even need to discuss how outrageous it is that Howard would make such a claim? Who did this guy call for political advice, Dick Cheney? (Who can forget Cheney's remarks in the fall of 2001 that legislators who dared to vote against the USA Patriot Act were "siding with the terrorists." I know I won't let people forget.)

To his credit, Obama didn't take those remarks sitting down.

"I would also note that we have close to 140,000 troops in Iraq, and my understanding is Mr Howard has deployed 1,400, so if he is ... to fight the good fight in Iraq, I would suggest that he calls up another 20,000 Australians and sends them to Iraq,'' Obama told reporters in Iowa.

If Howard did not take up the invitation, Obama said the comments would become nothing more than "empty rhetoric.''

Good call, Obama. Australia's criticizing Obama and our DemocratIC presidential candidates? Who's next, Poland? (Remember Bush in '04? He snickered, "You Forgot Poland!" to John Kerry in a presidential debate when Kerry was talking about the War in Iraq and the "massive" coalition Bush had gathered before the war.)

"I think it's flattering that one of George Bush's allies on the other side of the world started attacking me the day after I announced [I would run for the 2008 Democrat presidential nomination]," said Obama.

Ya heard?!?

Two things were very clear about Obama on the very day his 2008 campaign officially kicked off - this guy is no John Kerry, and he's not going to be Swiftboated.

What a Rush - intolerance in the morning

My favorite drug addict is at it again.

Yesterday, I was listening to Howard Stern (as usual) on Sirius Satellite Radio while getting ready for work. I must confess that I don't always agree with what Stern says, but yesterday he took off on a rant about Rush Limbaugh, complete with audio clips from his show. His rants on Limbaugh and Republicans are usually worth the price alone for subscribing to Sirius, but yesterday's rant was sort of special.

The short of was this - Limbaugh was talking about Barack Obama getting a celebrity endorsement from actress Halle Berry. This is how Rush announced it on his show it:

"Halfrican American Barack Obama has received another endorsement, this time from Halfrican American Halle Berry."

I'm trying REAL HARD to stick to my New Year's resolution of not using profanity on this blog, but it's not easy when I hear stuff like this.

Stern wasted no time laying waste to Rush. ...

"He's such a f------ dickhead. I hate it that he's successful. I mean, what's your point?!?"

I think Howard missed the point about Limbaugh's mispronunciation, though. At best, Limbaugh was intentionally mispronouncing "African-American" simply to annoy people (unlikely, but it IS what he's best at), and at worst (likely), he was mispronouncing it because both Berry and Obama are half African-American.

His listeners must be awfully proud. Making fun of Michael J. Fox's Parkinson's Disease (which he can't help) wasn't enough - now Limbaugh's moved on to making fun of people's ethnic make-up (which they can't help, either [not that they would want to, I'm quite certain]).

It got me thinking - I listen to Al Franken quite a bit on Air America Radio, and I defy anyone to come up with an instance when he race-baited his audience (or his detractors), or made fun of people's diseases because he disagreed with them politically.

Granted, Franken did write a book called Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot, but that's really what Rush is. I wonder if Franken will write a sequel, Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Intolerant Drug Addicted Moron. Now that Franken is leaving Air America Radio (more on that in a minute), he'll have the time. Get going, Al.

One more Carvey clip, & a great Howard Stern

Everyone who reads this blog knows I'm a fan of Howard Stern. When I came across some Dana Carvey clips on YouTube, I found this one. It's a not-so-great impression of Carvey doing President Clinton, but the impression of Howard Stern is dead on, right down to his laugh, giggle, and mannerisms.

It's worth a look, and it's pretty funny. And I have no doubt that he would ask those questions to Hillary Clinton and Madeline Albright if ever given the chance.

Although he can be crude, obnoxious and at times disgusting, he's riding along with me on my way to work , giving me laughs, for the last 16 years. And how many of us get to laugh when we are on our way to work? Who's happy about driving in to work, fighting the traffic, and thinking about the long work day ahead? Now that's the best testament I can think of to the man's talent - making people laugh on the way to work, consistently and without fail, for as long as he has.

I'll have more on Howard in a piece later today or tomorrow.

Anyway, the impression of him is pretty good in the clip.

Dixie Chic

This is the latest cover of Time, which sports the Dixie Chicks. To be honest, the title of the cover story pissed me off and will prompt me to write a letter to the editors. These three women are radical because they dared stand up to a president who rushed us to war on faulty, cooked intelligence? Yea, right.

Anyway, I heard the Dixie Chicks on Howard Stern this morning (another shameless plug for Sirus Satellite Radio - I LOVE it) and they had some very interesting things to say. Among them, how they received death threats because they told an audience during a concert in London that they were ashamed to be from Texas because President Bush is from Texas. Christ, get the nooses ready! I'll say right now that sometimes (and with increasing frequency, lately) that I'm ashamed to be an American when I hear some of the sewage that comes out of the president's mouth. What do I mean by that? Not that I don't love my country. Far from it. I feel this shame because I love my country. I can't believe we've had to endure him for eight years. He's a disgrace.

Following their comments, the Dixie Chicks were forced to apologize and had to endure all sorts of negative publicity along with Clear Channel banning them from its radio stations. First off, Clear Channel can go screw themselves; terrestrial radio is so last century, anyway. This is a company that has completely buckled to the FCC; this administration is pretty much out to ban any language it finds the least bit offensive, as well as in opposition to its policies. Look no further than Howard for evidence of that. Bush and the Republicans didn't touch Howard until he turned on Bush for the war in Iraq. All of a sudden, the FCC was on the attack, and Clear Channel fired him.

The big problem I have with what happened to the Dixies is not people disagreeing with them; people who came out against the group have as much of a right to their opinions as the group does. But death threats? Banning them from radio stations? What's next? Book burnings, Nazi Germany style?

Bottom line - on Howard today, someone from the group (I'm not sure who - couldn't tell) said it best in explaining the group's negative statements about the president:

"I don't want people to die for a reason that has not been proven to us." It doesn't get much more sage than that.

Anyway, I think this group has a lot of moxie, and some of their tunes aren't bad, either. Their remake of Fleetwood's timeless classic Landslide is one of the best remakes I've heard in years.

The group has since retracted their apology to the president, and they are as feisty as ever. Bravo. Their new album, Taking the Long Way, has a great tune on it entitled Not Ready to Make Nice, and it alludes to the whole controversy. Take a read of these lyrics:

Not Ready to Make Nice

Forgive, sounds good

Forget, I’m not sure I could

They say time heals everything

But I’m still waiting

^

I’m through with doubt

There’s nothing left for me to figure out

I’ve paid a price

And I’ll keep paying

^

I’m not ready to make nice

I’m not ready to back down

I’m still mad as hell and

I don’t have time to go round and round and round

It’s too late to make it right

I probably wouldn’t if I could

‘Cause I’m mad as hell

Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

^

I know you said

Can’t you just get over it

It turned my whole world around

And I kind of like it

^

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby

With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’

It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her

Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger

And how in the world can the words that I said

Send somebody so over the edge

That they’d write me a letter

Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing

Or my life will be over

^

I’m not ready to make nice

I’m not ready to back down

I’m still mad as hell and

I don’t have time to go round and round and round

It’s too late to make it right

I probably wouldn’t if I could

‘Cause I’m mad as hell

Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

^

I’m not ready to make nice

I’m not ready to back down

I’m still mad as hell and

I don’t have time to go round and round and round

It’s too late to make it rightI probably wouldn’t if I could

‘Cause I’m mad as hell

Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

^

Forgive, sounds good

Forget, I’m not sure I could

They say time heals everything

But I’m still waiting

**

Damn right! America needs a much bigger fix of what the Chicks are offering though their inspirational, and, dare I say it, patriotic, lyrics.